It is 5 am (roughly) and I have been up for a few hours... I just have too much to do. The girls are coming over on Friday (yay!) for dinner, movies, and wine! But, that means dusting and vacuuming, and cleaning prior to them coming over. And I have my first big Oklahoma History test on Thursday at 1230 pm, and later that night my mom and I are taking Eli to see Toy Story 3 at the State Fair Ice Capades. That should be interesting, he has never been before.
So much to do, so little time..
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The First Month
Well, September is finally here, complete with cooler weather that is much needed after the record breaking days of over 100 degree inferno heat we have had to endure! The cooler weather has brought with it the reminder that every Tues/Thurs my husband and I are supposed to be sharing our lunchtimes on campus. That is, until we found out his offer had been accepted for a six month tour in Afghanistan.
I am not your typical military wife, simply for the fact that my husband does not often face the chance of deployment, much less a mobilization. And his work for our country only disrupts our usual schedule one weekend a month, and two weeks a year. So, when your "conventional" wife and mom are suddenly thrown headfirst into life as a military wife, well.. it can be a challenge. Luckily, this is our 2nd tour, and I am not quite as wet behind the ears as I was the first time. There are a few things I have learned that are required of a military wife, whether she is a "typical" one or not. First, she must love her country as much as her husband does. Or else she will never understand his deployments, and they will be much more difficult. Second, she must love her husband more than she loves her country. Because there will be long nights, long days, and lots of changes. Third, you have to keep yourself busy and involved. Otherwise, there is too much waiting around for the next email, the next phone call. And we would go crazy just waiting around.
I knew when he left there would be the fresh heartache, and the deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have yet to accurately describe. I also remembered the worried, the anxiety, particularly the first week or so, while he was traveling to his assigned base. Yet, this time is different in many ways. The hole that he left was at first almost unbearable. I would have been just fine curling up for the next few days, and never leaving bed. But moms don't have that luxury. We put on our brave face, and we smile. We must push through on our own tenacity. Because there is a little boy out there that needs us.Those first few days, he kept waiting for Daddy to walk in the door, kept asking Mommy,"When do we pick up Daddy at the airport?" Those are the hardest days. Eli is 3 and a half. Old enough to understand Daddy is gone for a long time. And he almost gets that Daddy is far away. But remember when you were little, and your birthday, Christmas, even a 3 hour car ride to Dallas, seemed to take FOREVER? How do you explain a long time in little kid language? Six months must seem like an eternity to them. I will let you all know when I figure that one out!
I have found though, that I am still extra sensitive to certain things. I can write about him, but I can't talk about him, or him being gone. I start to well-up every time. And some days, I still miss him so much, those phone calls are my only relief, but I still get off the phone crying. Because I don't know when I will hear his voice next. We have been blessed though, and I hear from him just about every night, in between shipments and almost every morning once he gets home from work. There are a few exceptions, of course, when he has to work late. Or is completely exhausted, and falls asleep just signing on to his computer. The other thing I have found out, is the anxiety is worse this time around. Or at least it has been this first month. I have been having trouble sleeping for at least a year or so now anyways, but add this on top of it. I sleep only a few hours at night. Only to wake up suddenly.
Next thing, what I have oh so fondly dubbed "The Mom List" is running through my head. I need to wash the dishes, I need to do this load of laundry, I need to schedule that bill to pay, I need to find that last source for my paper.... I even got up and dusted my living room the other night. It could have waited, but my mind wouldn't let me put it aside. Maybe it is being a "single" mom. Or just all that still has to be done.
But somehow, through it all, We are surviving. All of us. My husband and I are growing closer, and we appreciate every email, every phone call that we get. We appreciate all the little things. And Eli loves getting to talk to his Daddy on the phone, and make pictures for him. Eli and I are still working on his toddler "listening ears" and figuring out our routine together. Everyday we are growing, and every day is going to be work, at least in some ways.
“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
I am not your typical military wife, simply for the fact that my husband does not often face the chance of deployment, much less a mobilization. And his work for our country only disrupts our usual schedule one weekend a month, and two weeks a year. So, when your "conventional" wife and mom are suddenly thrown headfirst into life as a military wife, well.. it can be a challenge. Luckily, this is our 2nd tour, and I am not quite as wet behind the ears as I was the first time. There are a few things I have learned that are required of a military wife, whether she is a "typical" one or not. First, she must love her country as much as her husband does. Or else she will never understand his deployments, and they will be much more difficult. Second, she must love her husband more than she loves her country. Because there will be long nights, long days, and lots of changes. Third, you have to keep yourself busy and involved. Otherwise, there is too much waiting around for the next email, the next phone call. And we would go crazy just waiting around.
I knew when he left there would be the fresh heartache, and the deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have yet to accurately describe. I also remembered the worried, the anxiety, particularly the first week or so, while he was traveling to his assigned base. Yet, this time is different in many ways. The hole that he left was at first almost unbearable. I would have been just fine curling up for the next few days, and never leaving bed. But moms don't have that luxury. We put on our brave face, and we smile. We must push through on our own tenacity. Because there is a little boy out there that needs us.Those first few days, he kept waiting for Daddy to walk in the door, kept asking Mommy,"When do we pick up Daddy at the airport?" Those are the hardest days. Eli is 3 and a half. Old enough to understand Daddy is gone for a long time. And he almost gets that Daddy is far away. But remember when you were little, and your birthday, Christmas, even a 3 hour car ride to Dallas, seemed to take FOREVER? How do you explain a long time in little kid language? Six months must seem like an eternity to them. I will let you all know when I figure that one out!
I have found though, that I am still extra sensitive to certain things. I can write about him, but I can't talk about him, or him being gone. I start to well-up every time. And some days, I still miss him so much, those phone calls are my only relief, but I still get off the phone crying. Because I don't know when I will hear his voice next. We have been blessed though, and I hear from him just about every night, in between shipments and almost every morning once he gets home from work. There are a few exceptions, of course, when he has to work late. Or is completely exhausted, and falls asleep just signing on to his computer. The other thing I have found out, is the anxiety is worse this time around. Or at least it has been this first month. I have been having trouble sleeping for at least a year or so now anyways, but add this on top of it. I sleep only a few hours at night. Only to wake up suddenly.
Next thing, what I have oh so fondly dubbed "The Mom List" is running through my head. I need to wash the dishes, I need to do this load of laundry, I need to schedule that bill to pay, I need to find that last source for my paper.... I even got up and dusted my living room the other night. It could have waited, but my mind wouldn't let me put it aside. Maybe it is being a "single" mom. Or just all that still has to be done.
But somehow, through it all, We are surviving. All of us. My husband and I are growing closer, and we appreciate every email, every phone call that we get. We appreciate all the little things. And Eli loves getting to talk to his Daddy on the phone, and make pictures for him. Eli and I are still working on his toddler "listening ears" and figuring out our routine together. Everyday we are growing, and every day is going to be work, at least in some ways.
“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
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